Faith and Film: Part I

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be about another Woman Thou Art Loosed sequel or a remake of God’s Not Dead, featuring Amadla Stenberg (Please no. Never.) But you will have to endure a dramatic opening story. You’ll be fine. 

 When I was headed to college, I had an interview with a local scholarship committee (no, I will not give you the tea.)  During that interview, one of the committee members asked me what I wanted to do with my degree (because that happens literally every time I tell someone my majors). I told her that I wanted to be a screenwriter. Her response: “Well, that’s no career for a Christian girl.” **Diane from Blackish gasp** As much as I wanted to have some quick-witted and effortlessly shady response, I just didn’t have one. I was “shook,” as the young folks say. So this dream isn’t part of God’s plan? God’s kingdom and Hollywood could never collide? Okay. I’m done with the metaphors—but I’m taking notes for my auto-biopic, so can y’all just let me be extra? 

Fast forward to my first year of college. I was going to church regularly, taking theater class, and studying and protesting for my people. Sounds good, right? All of these things are great, but not when the things that you love require you to exist as three different people. Making art, being a Black woman, and being a Christian were three very separate identities for me. I didn’t see how all of these things could fit together in one person. That’s tiring. That’s toxic. That’s like a never ending cycle of Comedy-of-Errors-esq quick changes. 

It wasn’t until I became involved with my campus ministry and was challenged to take ownership of my faith that who I was, who I was becoming, started to make sense to me. I had to backtrack all the way to passages in Genesis to be reminded of who God already told me I was from the jump. "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; Male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27. I realized that I’d glazed over what would become the foundational scripture for my artistic practice.  As a filmmaker/playwright/person who makes things, I literally have an opportunity to show the world a part of who God is. This is a way to carry out His plan. Creation is a direct reflection of the Creator. I am out here trying to write worlds into existence. God already did that and all he had to do was say it. Boss. 

So how do I put this into practice? Where could I exercise this renewed faith practically? It really hit me during my first cinematography class. 

I love theatre with my entire heart and soul, every fiber of my being, yada yada yada. I really do. Here’s the thing: theatre is immediate—it is in the moment, it is live. I think that that immediacy is where a lot of its power lies. Reality and imagination are playing out in real time and you can’t escape. Coming of age in a town of thespians, this became my life. This is where I was rooted and started to find my way as an artist. Sure, as a playwright I’ve gotta wait sometimes to actually hear my words out loud, but after a reading, I’m able to get a pretty good idea of what is and isn’t going to work and can going from there. I get quick affirmation. The immediacy is comfortable. 

So while theatre is a place of safety, film is an exercise of faith for me, in both big and small ways. In my cinematography class (read: cult) we shoot 16mm film on Bolexes. Translation: we make movies out of old-fashioned film with even more old-fashioned cameras. You load the film into the camera and follow a lot of very particular steps to make sure that you’re letting the right amount of light into the camera and that the image is in focus.  The point of this is to make sure that your film is exposed properly. See, unlike digital cameras, there’s no LCD screen showing you what you’re shooting. The viewfinder isn’t even reliable. You have to carefully follow all of the steps and make creative decisions without even knowing what your footage is going to look like until you’ve spent seventy bucks getting it processed.

Do you see where I’m going with this? If shooting film isn’t an exercise of faith, I don’t know what is. As I grow as a filmmaker I am continually repeating this practice, drilling this discipline into my brain, and more importantly, into my heart. There is so much room for error in shooting film, leaving even more room for anxiety and worry. But wait! There’s a scripture for that, too: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7. 

This doesn’t stop at cameras for me. It’s in writing, it’s in editing, it’s in showing my work. Bigger picture: I am entering a field that doesn’t provide newcomers with a clearly charted path (other than being a sits-in-coffee-shops-with-Celtx-open-cliché. I do that SO well.) I know what I want to become, but how do I get there? Making sure that I cross my i’s and dot my t’s is a part of the process, but if I stop there, then that’s reliance on self. I’ve gotta add active faith to the mix—doing my very best and trusting that God will take it from there. If you don’t know Christ, I know that sounds completely insane, passive even. But if you’d let me, I want to introduce you to the God that makes art. He changes my life every single day. 

So, I guess you can call this a testimony. And if it is, it’s the kind that I like to hear. The one’s that say the Lord is lit, but he isn’t done. We’re still plugging away together. Yes, I’m putting in the work, but honestly I don’t know what comes next. I’m learning (asterisks, star, underline!) to be okay with that. What I do know is that I dream of being a filmmaker and that I’m lucky enough to know a God who is bigger than those dreams. 

Honestly, name a better “career for a Christian girl.” I’ll wait. Actually, no I won’t, because I’m not trying to become a Grace Greenleaf preacher. 

P.S. This covers the Christian and artists parts of my once multiple personality triangle. Stay tuned for the Black part…my favorite part of any cast.